Shashi Tharoor, in his foreword, notes that while the book may appear to be a simple collection of memoirs, it transcends that premise
In The Other Side of Diplomacy, Jayshree Misra Tripathi offers an intimate and nuanced look at the lives of the spouses of Indian diplomats. Spanning several decades, the book chronicles the challenges, sacrifices, and triumphs of these unsung figures in the world of diplomacy. Often relegated to the role of ‘diplomatic baggage,’ these spouses, mostly women but occasionally men, are portrayed as key players in the unofficial practice of diplomacy, living at the forefront of India’s global soft power.
Drawing on firsthand accounts from 15 diplomatic spouses, including two husbands and some daughters, Tripathi provides a wealth of personal anecdotes, some of which have never been shared before. These stories paint a vivid picture of life in embassies and consulates across the globe, from bustling cities to war zones, providing readers with an understanding of the subtleties and complexities of international relations.
The book begins with the story of a diplomat’s wife during the 1965 India-Pakistan war. This pregnant woman, under house arrest in Dhaka with her young son, not only had to deal with the hardships of being a prisoner but also had to ensure the destruction of sensitive diplomatic documents. Her resilience, which included forcing her captors to treat her with respect, sets the tone for the kind of resourcefulness and strength Tripathi celebrates in these women.
Shashi Tharoor, in his foreword, notes that while the book may appear to be a simple collection of memoirs, it transcends that premise. The book does not just recount events but reveals the broader, often unacknowledged role that diplomatic spouses play in maintaining their country’s dignity abroad. These individuals, far from leading lives of glamour, are tasked with keeping their personal lives together while also engaging with the local populace, navigating cultural differences, and handling high-stakes social and political events.
The book spans a variety of locations and time periods, showcasing diplomatic spouses’ experiences in diverse countries—from the laidback life in Brazil to the tense streets of Baghdad. The encounters with world leaders such as Nelson Mandela, King Juan Carlos of Spain, and Robert Mugabe also provide interesting perspectives on how diplomacy, both formal and informal, has evolved over time.
What stands out in Tripathi’s curation is the range of experiences—no two are alike, and yet the common thread is the adaptability and empathy that these spouses display. Whether it’s cooking for an elite Ethiopian delegation after a National Day reception or preparing an Indian meal for the famous sitar virtuoso Pandit Ravi Shankar in Beijing, these spouses continuously go beyond the call of duty. One particularly memorable anecdote recounts the preparation of samosas and gulab jamuns in massive quantities for official functions, reflecting the cultural and culinary diplomacy these individuals perform with grace and poise.
But The Other Side of Diplomacy is not just about entertaining stories. It also provides a sobering reflection on the realities of living in foreign countries. Diplomatic spouses must constantly adjust to sudden political developments, cross-cultural challenges, and often, uncomfortable and unfamiliar circumstances. The book doesn’t shy away from the difficulties that these individuals face—many of whom experience personal dislocation, loss of privacy, and the ever-present pressure of upholding their nation’s prestige.
In the final chapter, Tripathi’s conclusion offers a candid and unvarnished picture of the emotional toll of this lifestyle. She emphasizes how the lives of diplomatic spouses, far from being glamorous or luxurious, are filled with hidden struggles and sacrifices. The impact of such a life is not always visible but is undoubtedly profound, shaping the people who undertake these roles.
In sum, The Other Side of Diplomacy is a captivating exploration of a world that is usually hidden behind the polished exterior of formal diplomacy. Through the stories of these remarkable individuals, Tripathi shines a light on the significant contributions made by spouses in the complex web of international relations. This book will resonate with anyone interested in the personal side of diplomacy, offering a poignant reminder of the dedication and resilience of those who support and sometimes shape global affairs from behind the scenes.
